Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
