just tell him i said nine months
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
