I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
