threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
