that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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