My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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