I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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