Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
