we have officially lost it.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
