go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
