I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
