I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
