Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
