I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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