i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
