She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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