Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Terrible idea I love it
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
