I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
