I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Pappa wants mamma naked
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
