My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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