I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Randomize