K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
