yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Randomize
