so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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