Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
