I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize