today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
