Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
