i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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