Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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