Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
