that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize