She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
