Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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