The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I want a musical about memes.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
