Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
