the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
