Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
