I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
