i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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