Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
