there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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