hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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