Having a random hookup so left but love u
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize