Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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