I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
