I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
