I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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