I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize