i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
