ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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