I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize