She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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