I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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