also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
