I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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