you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
