I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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