Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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