oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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