After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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