please come you make the beer taste better
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
