If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
