you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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