I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
