The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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