we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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