i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
