im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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