My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
