Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
