have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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