If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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