Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
