Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize