Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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