his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You are the jesus of drinking
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
