I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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