I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
