He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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