I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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