OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
