Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
