Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
