how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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