I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
