I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
