every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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