I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
