Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
