Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
