my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
