she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
